A Matter of Words
by L 0 K I
Summary: Kagome-centric. the ratio of things said to things heard.


Hi all! *waves*  This is a little Kagome-centric piece, please enjoy!  And don't forget to leave a little review to let me know what you think.  For now this is a one-shot, but I'm considering writing another part.  If people are interested?

Thanks for reading! ^_^

Disclaimer: I own nothing!  Nada!

**A Matter of Words**

_The feeling of coming to no one there_

_You rip off my clothes as you rip off my life_

_Destroyed my world in a matter of words_

_You left me waiting, you left me undeciding_

_You left me waiting, you left me waiting..._

~ Morning, By: Lennon

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The wind streamed the girl's long black hair back from her face.  Had her eyes not been covered with a film of tears she was too stubborn to let fall, they would have been a startling shade.  Neither blue nor grey, but both.  They were eyes that should have seen much praise, but had instead been subjected to years of battle and bloodshed.  The innocence still dwelled within them, but not without an equal amount of wisdom.  She had paid dearly for that wisdom.

Her gaze dropped and she stared blindly down at her fingers as they curled ever tighter into the neko-youkai's yellow fur.  It had only been a couple of hours, if the first light of dawn pressing against the horizon was any indication.  But it felt like so much more, and so much less.

_She had drifted upon the edge of sleep for so long, simply listening and reveling in the rhythm of her lover's breath.  So even, so deep and calming that she had unconsciously paced her own breath to match his.  She knew that eventually they had to get up, had to go back to camp before they were missed, but her limbs seemed too heavy to make the motions.  She settled deeper into the hanyou's arms and the movement stirred him, causing his grip to tighten around her possessively.  It made her smile.  For the moment his possessive personality was perfect.  _

_She almost giggled when his nose rooted around in her hair, finding the baby-soft locks behind her ear.  He sniffed delicately, then licked at the edge of her throat just below her ear, his tongue warm and wet.  Even in his sleep he was still taking in her scent, assuring himself that she was safe and within reach._

_This seemed the culmination of their quest, not a complete and safe Shikon no Tama, but each other.  Every difficulty and pain was suddenly worth its weight and more.  Sometime in those long moments they had been locked together the world and existence had been re-ordered.  Something indefinite and indescribable had changed.  _

_Kagome was safe, warm, and in love.__  And more importantly, she now knew she was loved in return._

_As if catching her sleep-eaten thoughts, the boy locked so tightly around her whispered, "Aishiteru..."_

_Kagome's smile matured with contentment.  She rested her head on her lover's breast and closed her eyes, finally ready to drift into sleep._

_"...Kikyou."_

Even then she refused to cry.  Instead she began smoothing out the yellow fur she had ruffled with her grip, her fingers petting it down with more care and precision then the action warranted.  Kirara began to purr, a low, nearly inaudible rumble.  But Kagome did not hear it.  Or even feel it as her bare legs pressed against the cat demon's sides.

_She left Inuyasha to sleep away the rest of the night, unconscious to his words and how they had ripped her insides out.  Doesn't matter, she had thought distantly as she walked back to their camp, he doesn't love **me.  Why did I ever think he did?  Because he held me close, because he kissed me and told me how much I meant to him?  How lost he was without me?  He doesn't love me.  That's what this means.**_

_She tripped over her own feet, cutting her cheek shallowly on a small branch as she fell to her knees.  With the same distant stare she picked herself up and moved on.  Had it not been the new moon she might have worried that he would smell her blood, or hear her steps, but for the moment Inuyasha was just as vulnerable as she was.  Not true.  My words never touch him._

_She stumbled into the clearing, making a conscious effort to be quiet as she neared the small, dying fire that Miroku had built earlier.  Before the sun had set and the demon in Inuyasha had melted away.  Or crawled back into him.  _

_Didn't matter.___

_Moving as silently as she could, Kagome approached Sango's bedroll and Kirara, who curled comfortably near the taijiya's head.  She reached a tentative finger and stroked the small demon's ear, waking her instantly.  Kagome did not say anything, she did not need to.  Kirara's bright eyes blinked at her curiously, then she stretched, giving a cute little fanged-yawn.  She hopped soundlessly to the ground.  _

_Kagome turned and picked up her book bag, then her bow and quiver of arrows, pausing only to look at the little sleeping kitsune snuggled deep in her own bedding.  She hated to leave him without saying goodbye, but she couldn't deal with any questions right now.  She would be back anyway.  She knew her sense of responsibility wouldn't let her walk away.  She only needed time alone, to think, to rebuild what was broken.  Or, at least, repair._

_"Kagome-sama?"___

_Kagome jumped, then turned slowly to Miroku, unsure of what she was going to tell him._

_The faint amber glow of the fire reflected off his eyes as he stared at her.  It was a sad and knowing look, and it almost made her feel the pain she was in.  Despite his wayward and often questionable ways, of the all of them, he was the most observant and attuned to the matters of the heart.  But this time Kagome did not want opinion or advice, or sympathy.  She wanted to get away, if only for the moment._

_"He didn't mean it," the monk whispered, "whatever he said or did this time--you know he didn't mean it."_

_"He did mean it.  It just took me this long to figure it out."  Though I knew, I refused to see._

_She wasn't sure what she had conveyed in that short silence following her words, but Miroku's eyes had widened.  Then dimmed, expressing something too intense for words.  When she said nothing, made no move of recognition, his eyes dropped, defeated, to the flickering embers._

_"I understand."  Then he added, "I'll stall him for as long as I can."_

_Kagome nodded, "Arigato, Miroku-sama."  Gathering her things again, she left the circle of fire-light and faded into the surrounding darkness, Kirara following close on her heels._

Just about now Inuyasha would be waking up, alone.  He would hold up empty hands and stare at them, wonder where she was.  Maybe wonder if she's alright.  He would search for her, but she was hours ahead of him.  And if luck be with her she would stay that way.  Of course, there was always the chance he woke up and regarded her absence as if a great burden had been lifted.  _No, you know he cares.  Just not the way you want him to, obviously_.

There was a shimmer out of the corner of her eye, the first light of dawn striking and reflecting off a small pool of water half-secluded by trees.  Kirara had been flying top-speed for hours, and had brought her so far.  It was time for a break, a much-needed one for both miko and youkai.

The water, when she stepped into it, was night-cold.  But warm baths were a rarity in the Sengoku Jidai.  The best one could hope for was the occasional hot spring, but those, unfortunately, were rare too.  Oh well, she thought, ignoring the icy water as it rose around her fiercely protesting body, plenty of hot water at home.

The day had just set in motion.  There was darkness still, clinging around the bases of the trees, and deeper into the forest, but the sky was that perfect blue of late summer.  Kagome's hair was heavier when wet, appearing longer.  She brushed it back from her face and hurried through washing her body.  She did not have time to relax, and she knew it.  If she wanted to stay ahead of Inuyasha she had to keep moving.  And she desperately wanted time alone before their confrontation.  

No time to relax, but she had to rinse away the mixed scents that still clung to her.  As if she could wash away the act with them.  She had felt no shame in his arms, no regret, but she had also thought she was giving herself over to the one that loved her.  In the harsh light of day she knew the truth, had known it.  That one whispered word had only driven it home.

_As long as something of Kikyou still exists, Inuyasha will never fully love me.  As long as I am alive, some part of Kikyou will live on.  We are not one in the same, but we share something...this power, the Shikon no Tama...And Inuyasha.  We share Inuyasha._

_And he will always see her when he looks at me._

Kagome stared down at her reflection, the ripples in the pool causing her image to distort and undulate.  _Enough_!

Kagome rose, wading to the bank and taking small pleasure in the way the water resisted and parted around her.  Wrapping a towel around her, she picked up her soiled school uniform and sighed.  _Mama buys me so many uniforms, and she never complains...If mama were here she would know what to say, she would make everything better.  Shaking the thought away with a literal shake of her head, she held the old uniform out to Kirara._

"Take this and go east."

Kirara hesitated.  Kagome placed a hand on the demon's muzzle and leaned against her shoulder affectionately.  "Please, Kirara, I need Inuyasha to follow you.  I'll be okay."

Kirara still hesitated, then gingerly took the uniform between her teeth.  With one last glance, she launched into the air, turning east and away from Kagome's path.

The discarded uniform would trail her scent mixed in with Kirara's.  Inuyasha would follow it, even when it went east away from the Hone Kui no Ido.  Inuyasha, of course, would just think her stupid or lost.  It wouldn't be the first time.  But if he chose to underestimate her, she would use it against him.  

That done, she heaved a sigh of relief.  It wouldn't buy her a lot of time, but maybe enough to get home alone.  Once home, she wasn't sure what she would do.  She couldn't keep Inuyasha out of the well without seriously damaging it, and she wasn't about to do that.  She pushed the thought aside; she would come up with something if and when she got home.

Clinging to her purpose, she dug through her back pack and pulled out her spare outfit: underwear, socks, a knee-length white skirt, and pale pink blouse with a curl of flowers edging its collar.  Underwear first, she then slipped the skirt on modestly under the towel, zipping up its side and buttoning it at the waist.  The rest of her clothing took much less time, and soon she was ready to go.  Back pack settled firmly on her back and the bow in her hand, ready for use.  She started briskly towards the well and the little comfort it inspired in her.

Walking she was no stranger to, but she had been walking non-stop for hours.  No unusual occurrence when they sought out the Shikon no kakkera, but she often had Sango-chan and Shippou to talk to, or Miroku's 'cursed' hands to watch out for.  The steps were lighter then, the miles shorter.  At the rate she was going she expected to reach Kaede's village by late morning, and her portal home.  But only if she walked through the night.  Kagome sighed, readjusting her expectations for early evening.  Just the thought of walking that long, and completely alone, made her twitch.  Best not to so blatantly risk her sanity, not when she wasn't sure of exactly how much she had left.  

Glancing to the sky, the sun had already passed its zenith and was on the downward slope.  I'll walk part of the night, she reasoned, and maybe get there around noon.  With such a small decision made, she felt a little bit better about her chances.  She looked up to the web of swaying branches above her, sun falling through their gaps like autumn leaves.  In outward appearances, all was well, no sense of a Shikon no kakkera, no youkais, or thieves, or sun-ripened battlefields.  Only her own inner turmoil.  She had to get home soon, where she could find distractions and comfort and wasn't left alone with her merciless thoughts.

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_So maybe I'm a dreamer_

_But I'm not realistic to ask myself that_

_And maybe you weren't looking at me_

_But at some her behind my shoulder_

~ 5:30 Saturday Morning, By: Lennon


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